Cast thine eyes, oh faithful reader, upon this these words chronicling the Chronicles of the Knights of the Quest for Questlandia and their fateful pilgrimage to that most chivalrous of symposiums, the Greater Opa-Locka Science Fiction and Fantasy Convention:
With the heaviest of jolts did Travis, older brother of King Kyle “the Awesome”, bring the royal carriage to halt.
“You and your loser friends get the fuck out,” the king’s kin did demand, “No way I’m being seen at this freak fest.”
You got your Babe Sheckler in my First Time Caller! The true mark of a top tier haggler is not his ability to wheel, but also deal, and Babe shifts from AC to DC on Swap Shop to unload some well-loved household items.
I’ve seen some cinematic stinkers in my day. I’ve seen floating disembodied brains battle for world supremacy in The Brain from the Planet Arous. I’ve seen robots with human brains fight undead Mexicans in Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy. I’ve even seen something called Killer Condom. But I’ve never seen anything to prepare me for the surreal experience that is Death Bed: The Bed That Eats.
Yes, you read correctly. That’s the actual title to an actual film. Someone actually thought this was a worthwhile idea for a movie. That visionary man is George Barry.
Love is needing to be loved. John Lennon said that.
Love is dancing at five in the morning, covered in drywall dust, mud, and splatter paint, tackling a six-foot canvas with your significant other. E-Harmony said that.
Love is finding someone who will put up with all the things that suck about you. I said that.
By F. Larry Badgood
TESTIE Award-winning author of POG War 2015 and Johnny Hitler VS The Y2KKK
First there were Pogs. Then a cigar store Indian. And now, our friends at First Time Caller deliver kindly old Hank and his priceless vase. Handle with care! Or, you know, don’t.
I had sky-high expectations when I borrowed a battered VHS copy of Game of Death from my local public library. The ad copy on the tape case promised me the world - “swift and deadly kung fu revenge”, “[a] movie all Bruce Lee fans will want to see again and again.” But what really sold me were two words: “Chuck Norris.” I immediately scooped it up, mistaking it for Return of the Dragon, the only movie in which Lee and Norris officially co-star. Return famously features a 17-minute fight between Norris and Lee in the Roman Coliseum, widely regarded as one of the best martial arts duels in movie history. What I got instead was one of the most shamelessly bad cash-ins in movie history. Once again I’ve been foiled by ad copy!
The Curse of Online Anonymity
June 20, 2009 by Dave Hodgson | 9 comments
On your dot-com travels you may have noted that one of our videos, The Curse of Cheddar Bay, was classified as a “Level-3 Virous Internet Vid”. Yes, sites from the lowly Break.com to the mighty FurAffinity.net have been spreading it like some sort of topical flu. But more than any hit count, what’s really important to us as always is: what do you think? Thankfully, you’ve been making your voices heard by the thousands, and here’s a small selection of your comments.
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