DJ Kaotic’s Set Notes for Saturday!

It’s so cool that Opa-locka High is lettin’ me DJ the dance this year! Principal Garibaldi’s finally listening to the youth! No one’s gonna make fun of me after they get a load of Kaotic’s skills! No longer shall I be mocked and derided for my ways, no! Saturday night, Quentin Mickels dies, and, like the phoenix, is reborn as DJ KAOTIC! I mean, it might only be my second time DJing ever, but you’ll never hit a home run if you don’t swing for the fences!

REMEMBER: Don’t hit play until Amanda gets there, remember how she missed the whole set last time! I only got into this whole DJ thing to get girls, and Amanda’s so fine. THIS MIX IS FOR YOU BABY. Man, I hope she doesn’t read this.

1. Start things off bumpin’ with Huggy Buggy’s ‘Buggy Stomp’, at the ‘lick the buggy’ part at 3:45, mix into the bridge of Buster Bear Brown’s ‘Honeypot’.

2. Work in the vocal part from Bonky’s ‘Huckashuck’, get the crowd hype, then WHAM! What’s this? Another Kaotic curveball! Who mixes Bonky over Man Chews Wok? No one but me, Amanda! Where others masturbate, Kaotic innovates!

NOTE TO SELF: Remember not to say ‘Huckashuck’ is one of my tracks, don’t wanna catch another beating from Bonky. He may only be a 15-year old prodigy, but he punches like Ali or something. YOU’LL GET YOURS ONE DAY, BONKS.

3. By now, the crowd should be dancing like gangbusters, and Amanda will def be checkin’ me out! Don’t lose focus though! Keep the Huckashuck vocal, then drop The Dope-a-lopes’ ‘Keepin’ it Krispy’. I don’t care that they ‘sold out’ by writing that song for Krispy Kreme, it’s still mad hype.

4. OK Kaotic, it’s time to really hit ‘em with your best stuff! Right about here I’m gonna haul out my remix of Lord Funkula’s ‘Bite Yo Booty’. I mean, it might be my first real remix, but Alex from media class said it sounded ‘alright’. I mean, Alex has like a 90 in that class, so if HE says it’s alright, then it’ll definitely sound kickin’ to the average guy, right?

REMEMBER: Make eye contact with Amanda when the ‘suck your booty dry’ part starts. No one can resist my homie Funkula’s jungle rhythms. Uh, I mean, ‘jungle’ as in the music style, not uh, not the other thing.

5. Just in case the remix doesn’t go over well, play a few classics like Fox and Fiddla’s ‘Village Green’, Manny From the Deli’s ‘Order Up!’, and Tiggler’s ‘Tiggle Time is Go!’

6. Okay here we go! Bring it home! Stare at Amanda while dropping my man Starlite’s ‘Astrobangin’. It’s like a 17-minute track, so I’ll have plenty of time to work my Kaotic magic! Make sure to mention how hard it is to be a struggling artist in Opa-locka, and how innovative it was to mix Bonky earlier. You’re golden, my man!

AFTER-ACTION REPORT: No one appreciates the art of the disc jockey anymore! And I can’t believe Amanda got with that plebian Biff Bronson! That’s the same guy that told me ‘dance music’s for fags’! THIS GODDAMN TOWN!