Not only does Giftoberfest last longer than Hanukkah and strictly forbid all gefilte-based foods, but the presents are way better too. Here’s the first one: comments. We’re desperate for your creamy, life-sustaining feedback, and enough has proven to be enough. Now we’ve made it possible for you to hit us back on each and every posting. Fun, yeah?
Interact with us. Upstage us. Insult our asses. We don’t give. This is an open invitation to join the family. Just try not to stare at Uncle Rene’s gimp eye. And to sweeten the pot, we’ve come up with something that basically forces you to surrender your opinions to us.
It’s thee First Ever Comments Commtest. For every comment you make that isn’t just a link to dick pills, or every comment that’s a link to coupons for dick pills, you get a chance to win a specially-mailed Fun Time Internet Fun Pack! What’ll be in it? Beats us, but if the package comes with airholes in it, open with caution.
Just remember to put in your actual email address so we can actually contact you about your bounty. None of that “a@b.com” stuff, you jokers! There isn’t even a “b.com”!
This Commtest ends on the arbitrarily decided date of February 28th, 2009. Moderating the comments will be Scott the Fun Time Intern, so try to take it easy on him. Except for here and now, in which you are encouraged to give it hard to that ho. (Pro Tip: pick on his diabetes!)
Meet me at Billiard Babble everyone! I’m gonna spam the shit out of it.
We have an early favourite in the Comments Commtest! Someone wants that extra-value pack of Trident gum bad.
Is this contest gonna be like those contests “America’s Funniest Home Videos” holds, whereby if you’re a website employee or family of an employee, you’re not eligible to win? ‘Cause I REALLY want that gum!
Unfortunately for you and your sons, yes.
Can we still comment if we want absolutely no part of any Fun Pack?
I mean, YEAH. But it’s gonna be really, really fun.
I’ve quit, was forced to, stopped smoking… I could really use the gum… Or a bottle of Single Malt! Yeah… my livers fine! Plus I need a new article, dont make me light up now!!
Holy MOSES, SOMEONE GET ME A POWERBAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AND A FAMILY!!!!!!!
gimme da gum
So when you gonna announce the “winner”? Or is this one of those sociological/existential experiments where you reveal there are no “winners,” only losers in this delicious game called life?
Though your latter sentence is too too true, there will be an actual winner, to be announced next week. There’s still two days left!