ALF’S SPECIAL CHRISTMAS (1987)
This two-part episode ain’t just a Christmas Special, it’s a “Special Christmas.” A more accurate title would’ve been “ALF’s Very Special Christmas” ‘cause this whole ordeal smells of Emmy-baiting.
The Tanner clan drives up to a cabin in the woods to celebrate the Holidays. About a minute in I’m already sick of ALF’s wisecracking “wit” and constant Perry Cuomo references. It’s as if the lazy writers thought the name “Perry Cuomo” was funny enough to constitute a punchline and were lazy enough to think that the more times they repeat the name, the funnier it is. Five minutes later the Tanner family is equally tired of his Melmacian antics and kick him out of the cabin. Can’t say I blame ‘em. Just imagine all the “I eat cats” jokes they’ve had to endure!
But that’s all just a conveniently contrived set-up to get ALF into a children’s hospital where he befriends Tiffany, a sickly 8-year old girl. ALF overhears that she’s dying and the doctors are helpless to do anything about it. In the grand tradition of family sitcom “very special episodes” this shift in tone from comedy to tragedy is abrupt and awkward. The first half of this special ends with Tiffany sobbing, “I’m afraid to die… I love you, ALF” as ALF leaves her room in tears.
What the hell kind of Christmas special is this? It’s Christmas Eve and ALF’s been kicked out of the family and is essentially homeless. And Tiffany’s going to die! And where’s Tiffany’s family? You’d think they’d be with her this time of year. Their complete absence makes this situation all the more heartbreaking.
But everything’s better in the end, isn’t it? They just have to wait for the Christmas Miracle to happen, right?
Well…
In the second half, ALF gets trapped in an elevator with a pregnant woman in labor. And ALF has to deliver the baby. And he knows nothing of human anatomy. This subplot is played off for laughs but it’s more upsetting than amusing.
It’s a Christmas miracle that both the mother and baby don’t die under ALF’s care. And get this: ALF convinces the mother to name the baby Tiffany. Can this special get any more heavy-handed?
In answer to that question the climax involves ALF trying to talk the kind-hearted but deeply depressed hospital janitor out of committing suicide. The fact that the janitor is trying to jump off a bridge and that his name is George Foley, which sounds an awful lot like George Bailey, makes it obvious that the writers were trying to ape It’s a Wonderful Life. The comparison only makes the viewer realize how much they’d rather be watching that movie than enduring this schmaltz fest.
But what about Tiffany? Does she get her Christmas miracle?
Hell no. Her family doesn’t even visit her on Christmas Day. This young girl is dying and her family can’t be bothered to spend Christmas with her. This is truly one of the most depressing holiday specials I’ve ever seen. After making amends with the Tanners, ALF sends them to visit her and cheer her up. Tiffany once again tells ALF that she loves him. And ALF once again bursts into tears.
And that’s how it ends!
But don’t worry. As depressing as that was, we can at least find comfort in the fact that this is all made up and that there was no Tiffany.
But then they drop this bomb:
So there really was a Tiffany! And she DID die! Then maybe this Tom Kyle was the basis for the George character. Then that would mean that the real George actually did commit suicide! Where’s the nearest bridge? I’m ready to jump.
Miley is my favorite musician !! “Compared to all the great things”
And Redman is my favourite musician. There’s an irony here that I don’t feel like dissecting.
What lies on the ground 100 feet up in the air and smells? A dead centipede.