APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT
Name: Randy Donahue
Age: 17
WHY DO YOU THINK YOU WOULD MAKE A VALUABLE ADDITION TO THE BURGER COUNTRY TEAM?
Many times, ‘twixt bites of my Burger Country Triple Threat Patty, I wondered to myself, “Wouldst any man be wiser in the sweet chemistry and subtle interplays of flavour when Beef meets Grease than I, who owes his kingly generosity of frame to it?”
Much as I would rake my brain over hot coals (hotter even than your Patented Burger Country Ovener, a-heh-heh), I could think of none better than I, your humble servant, Lord Randy Donahue, a true connoisseur of only two things ‘ponst this Earth, Burger Meat and noble Nipponese animation (anime).
PREVIOUS EMPLOYER:
Galadriel’s Tomb
Sean Heemler, Manager & Owner
384 Pinewood Way
Burkittstown, Ontario
DURATION OF EMPLOYMENT:
July 2008 – July 2008
REASON FOR LEAVING:
Sit down, dear sir, and let me tell you a tale. One of corruption and despair, of madness and depravity so deep ‘twouldst curdle the blood merely to speak of it… but speak of it I must. It was July 12th 2008, a date that shall be forever seared in my mind. I arrived fresh-faced and strategically-scrubbed, ready for my first day of gainful employment at the offices of Galadriel’s Tomb, the local purveyor of Comix, Tabletop Gaming and, of course, my raison d’être, the noble art of Japanese animation.
I had been so excited to begin at this fortress of higher culture that I hadst not slept a wink a week prior! But lo and behold, I hadst not counted on the establishment being run by a rogue of the worst sort! No sooner had I expressed my utter enchantment with the divine series The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya then this uncultured swine, this beast in man’s clothing masquerading as one Sean Heemler, declared in his layman’s snarl, “You actually like this crap? I only opened this place ’cause the prison closed down.”
Needless to say, Lord Randy Donahue is not one to take such insults lying down. With the power of Son-Goku I struck him a glancing blow to his gaijin brow with a stapler, whilst singing at top volume the noblest hymn, Hare Hare Yukai.
Mr. Heemler never knew what hit him, and though I was escorted from the premises by his cousin, I knew I had made the world a better place for devotees of Nipponese Nipponimation (Japanime).
WHAT IDEAS DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE BURGER COUNTRY A BETTER PLACE TO VISIT?
Ah! Now we have hit ‘ponst the crux of it!
1) Free issues of Shonen Jump! Magazine with every purchase! A true Anime aficionado needs to be up to date on all the latest happenings within his chosen field!
2) What true fan of anime has any use for the “Healthy Selections” menu now present at all Burger Country locations? Feh! Abolish this abomination post-haste!
3) All menu items should certainly firstly in kanji, then in the fragmented, bastard pig-language we know as English.
4) Any chance we could make yen the sole accepted currency?
5) Two words: “wi fi”.
ASSISTANT MANAGER’S NOTES:
Hire him on to haul garbage bags down to the ravine until the city strike is over.
- Phil
