A million dinosaur years ago, some caveman said, “The medium is the message”. Then he croaked. Now, we’re finally pretending to understand what he meant so we can make some cold-hard.
It’s not about what we’ve been putting on the site – it’s about what you’re using to look at it. The shamans at Apple just released their new operating system Mac OS X Snow Leopard. But it pales in comparison to our new operating system Puputer Gray Wolf, modelled after our very own cruel computer overlord Puputer. Remember that guy? Peep what Gray Wolf has on Snow Leopard:
– Is compatible with Windows, Mac, Linux, and certain glucometers.
– Downloads and prints Quizno’s coupons automatically so you don’t feel like a chub.
– When provided with a .wav audio sample, can determine if she is “faking it”, fellas.
– Replaces your browser Favorites with Oprah’s Favorite Favorites.
– When put into Hibernation, computer will steel itself for the winter ahead by plugging up its audio-out port with dirt, sticks and fecal matter.
– Administers a 30 000-volt electric shock any time you surf over to your ex’s Facebook page. It’s still stalking, guy.
– If shut down improperly, will send a 14-page screed to your business contacts about how the US “got what it deserved” on 9/11.
– In addition to Power Saver mode, has Relationship Saver Mode, which hides YouJizz.com from your Internet history, and makes you a Fan of “Monogamy” on Facebook.
– If purchased in its Family Edition, not only gives you five licenses, but also a legally-binding License to Kill Your Family.
It’s equal parts OS and “oh, yes!”. And in tune with the Internet 2.0 method of guilting people into paying for things they otherwise wouldn’t have bought, we’re going to let you pony up whatever you want for it. A penny, a pretty penny – you’re the boss.
This offer is an endangered species, so download now!