It all started with a super-computer.
I remember that day clearly. On June 16, 2008 the magna-cum-mainframe we now know as “Puputer” shat out a pretty diabolical .exe file. That file contained a virus so powerful that eight beautiful young men were instantly transported into a life of weblog servitude in Opa Locka, Florida.
It was kind of like that movie D2: The Mighty Ducks. We were hand picked from across the globe, to create content for an unstoppable comedic web presence. We had ‘em all: the Southern Gentleman, the Bash Brothers, the Cat-like Goaltender, the Asian Figure Skater, the Fat Old Swedish Guy Who Dies, Joshua Jackson, and finally, the fearless leader, Gordon Bombay himself.
While we haven’t quite reached our prescribed goal of becoming the only website on the Internet, we’ve come a few fair strides from our origins in just one human year. A few other websites have been helping us put the perv-in-pervasive (and the pun-in-punterrible puns) by writing about our exploits. Some likey, some are neutral, and some think we haven’t quite hit that Video On Trial echelon of timely HJ’s (humorous jabs, you sick fucks).
Yep, the world is buzzin’, and so were we – last night, that is, when the whole crew sauntered on down to the local Opa-Locka Applebee’s for some suds, some buds, fried spuds, and the first annual Fun Time Internet awards show, the Puputies. We couldn’t get that gorgeously talented man Hugh Jackman to host it, but we did let an actual wolverine loose in the Applebee’s (and I’m telling you for the last time, Mr. Hutchison, we didn’t know it had rabies, so we’re not paying for your son’s shots).
So why dontcha take a look back at some of the highlights of the year, and have a goodly gander at the list of prestigious Puputie winners of the 2008 /2009 season.
Best Racist: J.R. “Red” Yellow from ICBA: Catch The Fever! by Dave Hodgson
I bet the J.R. stands for “Jovial Racist”, because he is just a delightful man.
Most Insular Article: From the Desk of Hatdaddy by Aaron Zorgel.
You probably won’t understand any of the jokes unless you know that a guy we know named Kris Haig-Brown went to Stuttgart on a student exchange program. Now that you understand, it’s still not funny.
Highest Words to Laughs Ratio: Carboy Starboy.
Two words : infinite laughs. Also took home the Most Chins to Sexy Pose Ratio award.
Best Pants in a Video: Hondo, Hondo’s Cars.
They look even better when he hoses off the vomit!
Best Use of a Contributor’s Fame: Drumsters
I’m really glad we got Nick Jonas to compose “Fondue for One”.
The Castrol GTX(tm) High Mileage Award for Longest Article: Lackluster Video: Cool as Ice by Bo Swidersky.
3509 Words. Jesus, Bo. Save some Internet for the rest of us.
Best Wayans: Wayne Wayans, from Street Meet: Dance Flick.
Loved ‘im in Blankman.
Best Catchphrase: “My Boys!” from The Curse of Cheddar Bay.
Sure, he loves those sons, but what about his secret family?
Best Villain in a Video: Chauncey, from Three Playboys.
He was also responsible for bringing back the fashion trend of wearing a beret and a black blazer with nothing underneath.
The Babe Sheckler Lifetime Achievement Award: Babe Sheckler*
* This award is presented as a result of Mr. Sheckler’s contract negotiations with Fun Time Internet, and the Editors would like to acknowledge their reluctance to present Babe with this award. He pulled a knife.
We only got through ten awards, and then we had to dine and dash because the wolverine bit an eight year-old.
Rest assured, our Unique Visitors, Fun Time Internet has a lot in store for the coming year. If you stick by us through the tough times, you’ll be treated like a king when this is the only site on the Internet. We’re talking admin privileges, custom avatars, email re-directs, all the bells and whistles.
And for god’s sake, if you see a wolverine with riblet sauce all over its snout near 21st and Main, run for it, Marty.