1. Simulated sex.
2. Simulated sex while wearing glasses.
3. Simulated sex while wearing glasses and polishing your real glasses.
4. Simulated sex with things that in real life you couldn’t have sex with, such as the Accuweather Five Day Forecast or “The King” (The Burger King).
5. Simulated sex with Gene Simmons (who in real life you could have sex with, but shouldn’t).
6. Having simulated sex while simultaneously watching a video you made of yourself having simulated sex on Picture in Picture.
7. “The Sims” in 3D (you can totally make them have sex).
8. To give yourself a simulated sex change.
9. A simulated sit-down interview with Dr. Ruth to talk about this simulated sex addiction you’ve developed.
10. The Avatar video game.
