Hello again everyone. I hope you all enjoyed your lunch. Thanks once more for attending this focus group; your input is greatly appreciated. Over the break we here at the network have had time to look over your comments about the shows in our new primetime lineup. We’d just like to go over your input and just make sure we understood you all correctly.
So, let’s begin. As you’ll remember, the first pilot we all watched was for our new reality TV program, “The Strike Whisperer”, in which superstar bowler Rudy Vanyard goes to the homes of bowlers who have lost their touch on the lanes and helps them get that magic back. Now, uh, let’s look at what you guys thought. John, you said:
“I don’t really feel it’s appropriate for Rudy to motivate those poor old men by screaming obscenities at them, not to mention the part of the episode where he called a bowler ‘worse than Stalin’ for getting a 7-10 split.”
John, the network appreciates your concern. We’ll definitely take your comments into consideration, but we stand behind Rudy’s controversial methods.
Harold, you had an interesting comment, you said:
“The scene where Rudy emasculates that old man in front of his entire family for not having a professional bowling glove is really uncomfortable, please cut it.”
Okay, look, Harold: reality shows should SHOW REALITY, don’t you think? Yeah, I thought so. No cuts!
Donny, you said, and this is kind of hard to read but:
“Wow, just wow. Reality TV has a new shining light. Yeah, I loved watching them old men fumble all around or whatever. hee hee hee, lovin this bagel too”
Okay, uh, Donny? Thank you for your input. Are you feeling okay? Yeah? Alright.
Moving on: the second show we all watched together, as you’ll recall, was our new dramatic series. It’s 2010, a new era, “Ugly Betty” just ended, and you ladies need someone the modern woman can really relate to. Well, let’s see what you thought of the “Lazy Susan” pilot episode. Diane, you said:
“I was just sickened. This was absolutely the most offensive thing I have ever seen. This show seems like it could’ve come out of the 1950’s.”
Woah, woah woah. Diane, maybe you haven’t heard of a little show called “Mad Men”? Award winning drama? Geez, Diane, don’t you stay up to date? That kind of language is in! Read Ain’t It Cool News once in awhile, come on. Get with the times, then maybe you can complain, alright, babe?
Francesca, you put down:
“Who wrote this abomination? The part where Susan is by hit by a literal glass ceiling is just so tasteless.”
Um, Francesca, I don’t know how many scripts YOU’VE written, but that’s a little literary technique we call a “me-ta-phor”. “A metaphor for what”?! Ever heard of the concept of a glass ceiling? Geez, and I’m not even a woman!
Donny, you just wrote:
“Great show! Where’s my bagel? Was just here”
And then under it you just wrote:
“oop there it go A num num num num.”
Okay, well, thanks again, Donny! Are you sure you’re okay, man? Yep? Well, okay then. Glad to see you enjoyed the complimentary breakfast.
Our third and final pilot – ooh, this one’s my favourite. It was our new show “Magic Gord”, where street magician Gord Fontly wows random people on the street, very exciting! Darcy, you wrote:
“Is that man supposed to be so sweaty? It was kind of disconcerting”
Mike, you also had something to say about that:
“It was kind of weird how much that magician guy sweat”
“That guy sure was swearing a lot. Oop, sorry, I meant sweating. Though come to think of it, he was swearing a lot too. You’re going to censor that, right?”
Alright, you know what, guys? I’m feeling a lot of negative energy here. You know, it seems like Donny’s the only one in my corner here. You the man, Donny, you my BOY. What did you have to say about “Magic Gord”?
“Secret message FOR DONNY’S EYES ONLY: ALL THESE SHOWS SUCK, I’m only here to snag some free bagels! Seriously lovin this chive and onion cream cheese hells yeah”
You’ve broken my heart Donny, you’ve broken my heart.