More Cushion for the Pushin’
Superficial siren Megan Fox undergoes sensitivity training after mocking all the fatties at her workplace. When that fails she’s forced to endure the most extreme form of sensitivity training imaginable – wearing a fat suit for an entire month!
After suffering an eye-opening onslaught of cruel jokes and rejection (because she’s a fat fatty), Fox finds her soulmate in the kindly Steve Buscemi. There’s only one problem – Buscemi likes his ladies large! As the month comes to an end, the formerly foxy Fox must reveal her sexy, sexy secret. But will breaking the news mean breaking his heart? Or will he be able to look past her sexy perfection to see her “inner fatty”?
RoboDAD
Single dad/superstar chess champion Dwayne Johnson doesn’t have any time for his kids – until a tragic lawn darts accident transforms him into the Robotic Data Analyzing Dad. Or RoboDAD for short.
Finding chess too simplistic for his new super-smart robot brain, RoboDAD embraces the complex challenge of raising kids. But he soon learns there’s some things even robots don’t know about parenting.
In the end he must rescue his kids from his ex-wife’s new boyfriend, the Super Technical Electronic Parental Data Analyzing ‘Droid. Or STEPDAD for short.
Disney expects this one to be a hit. Pre-production is already underway on RoboDAD 2: RoboMOM.
Tyrannosaurus Rx
Seth Rogen is Dr. Rex Theodore, Chicago’s top E.R. surgeon. Meanwhile in the Dino-Dimension – a dimension exactly like our own, except everyone’s a dinosaur – Dr. Theodore Rex (voiced by Rogen) is the top E.R. surgeon in the city of Dinocago. When a freak “dimensional plasma storm” makes them swap dimensions, the two doctors are forced to deal with worlds they don’t understand. Dino-sized laughs ensue!
Facing dino discrimination, Dr. Theodore Rex (the dinosaur) must prove he’s got what it takes to be a surgeon – ‘cause he’s got short stubby arms and two-fingered hands, which make performing surgery impossible. Meanwhile Dr. Rex Theodore (the human one) ponders whether it’s technically considered cheating if he sleeps with his dino counterpart’s girlfriend.
EROSION!
Disaster director Roland Emmerich (The Day After Tomorrow, 2012) gives us his most electrifying destruction doozy yet, starring Nicholas Cage as the paranoid landscaper who saw disaster coming… gradually.
Lacking any of Emmerich’s usual displays of global devastation (the only real action scene involves a small landslide), the film’s real terror is not in seeing mass destruction; it’s in knowing it could happen… eventually. Or not.
Doggie Style
World famous TV dog whisperer Adam Sandler knows all the ins and outs of dog training, but nothing about women. Enter Pooper (voiced by Rob Schneider), Sandler’s new problem dog, who, not only can talk – but is also an expert love guru!
Pooper offers to help Sandler woo sexy cat fancier Kate Hudson – for a price! The canine community resents Sandler’s unbroken record of being able to break a dog’s spirit. Pooper will only help Sandler get the girl if he admits that Pooper is too challenging to train – on live TV! Is he willing to risk his reputation for the woman of his dreams?
On February 13th, Love’s a Bitch.
HandJob
A young naïve woman (Miley Cyrus) enters the cutthroat world of hand modeling. After stealing the boyfriend of a rival hand model (Lindsay Lohan), she finds herself in a handful of danger!
Death Kill: The Kill of Death
Steven Seagal is back – with a vengeance – and only on DVD, Blu-Ray, PSP, VOD, and Zune! Seagal plays his most death-dealing role yet, Death himself, AKA the Grim Reaper. When the Grim Reaper’s daughter is killed by ninjas, there’s gonna be HELL to pay!
PS: This November, look out for the sequel to Death Kill – “Death Kill 2: Kill You 2 Death”!
Bearly Legal
Supreme court rules that bears are people, too. Bear applies for driver’s license. Tracy Morgan is the driving instructor. Bear steals car – along with Morgan – and goes on road trip. ‘Nuff said.
It’s a real shame that Megan was dropped for Transformers Three. But I know she will do well with her next movie.