Imprisoned Bachelorette #3: Ruby
AGE: 26
HEIGHT: 5-5
WEIGHT: 137
HAIR COLOR: Blonde
EYE COLOR: Blue
SEXUALITY: It’s Complicated
MARITAL STATUS: It’s Complicated
CHILDREN: It’s Complicated
CONVICTED OF: Bank Fraud
CURRENT RELEASE DATE: 11/01/2011
“Ballers holla @ me!! Seeking male who will treat me like the princess I am. Loves hard working honest men. Hates dishonesty. I love to be naked. I do everything completely naked. Dishes, housework, EVERYTHING! I think I miss being naked the most. Do you like to be naked?”
My thoughts: Woah, woah, woah! Let me get this straight: “Hates dishonesty?” You’re guilty of BANK FRAUD! And speaking of dishonesty, how about you post an actual photo of yourself, and not one of Scarlett Johnasson.
But what do I expect from a website with ads for “Online Scuba Lessons”?
A couple of months ago this same site changed its slogan from “Single women that need you to write to them” to “MILFs in prison – Women that want you”.
After much deliberation (i.e. ogling), I finally picked a winner:
IMPRISONED BACHELORETTE #1!
I’ll learn her name later.
Yeah, I know Bachelorette #2 was the clear favorite. But there’s no way I stand a chance with a classy convict like her. And I have the nagging suspicion that Bachelorette #3 is really a man. Wouldn’t be the first time…
The next step was to send the lucky “winner” a message introducing myself. I also included a couple photos of yours truly. I wanted something that said “sensitive and hip” without making myself look like a giant douche bag:
Definitely not a douchebag.
And here’s my dashingly romantic letter:
And so my romantic dreams were dashed against the proverbial brick wall like so many hot female convicts in a catfight. I wonder if the Humane Society has euthanized those two grey tabbies yet? Maybe I still have a chance…
Today’s Real Winner (Tie):
Chairman Meow and Fidel Catstro
Pages: 1 2
Boby, how did you miss this strumpet?
http://www.ladiesofthepen.com/7301-7315/7307.html
Look at that photo! That’s what you call undercutting the competition. But on the other hand, why buy the cow when she can shank you in the kidney with a sharpened toothbrush for free?
Any “lady” who posted a nude/semi-nude/pornographic image of herself was automatically disqualified. I’m just trying to retain for this website a little somethin’ called “class.”
Next up on Lackluster Video: The Diarrhea Came From Mars (1961)
Sorry to “poo poo” your post but “The Diarrhea Came From Mars” was released in 1962, NOT 1961! Folks in movies couldn’t even say “diarrhea” in 1961. The MPAA wouldn’t allow it. Instead they had to say “wet poopy.”
But nobody’s gonna go see a film called “The Wet Poopy Came From Mars,” so the film’s producers challenged the MPAA’s ruling and won.
And doesn’t “diarrhea” just roll off the tongue so much easier than “wet poopy”?
im sure there´s a lovely christian ex convict out there for ya Bo, keep your hopes up!
I´d love to use the third world cliché and say i have an ex con friend down here that wants to meet ya….but we both now its not true…i don´t hang out with christians…haha
take care!!
pau
one time i got diarrhea attack while riding on a long bus trip, it really sucks-.’