Wikileaks and its founder Julian Assange have thrown open the floodgates of secret American information by releasing the first set of over 250,000 confidential communiques. We’ve been sifting through these cables and picked out the most surprising tidbits we found, many of which have not been reported by major news sources.
Cable #JOEUKAI27298 – Chinese leader Hu Jintao enjoys entertaining his subordinates with a hilarious, lengthy “Hu’s On First?” routine.
Cable #VVSFFJD88525 – Xbox Live was actually created as an outlet for Dick Cheney to shout the N-word at 14-year-olds without compromising his career as Vice President.
Cable #LXRSGJV87492 – In the spring of 2008, the FBI, tantalized by a gossipy blogger, poured millions of dollars of resources into finding out if John Travolta is gay.
Cable #VZCZCXP02932 – The US government hired Criss Angel to make the deficit disappear. Instead, he made the deficit float without wires.
Cable #ZUJXTIG46587 – The actual secret history of the United States was depicted accurately in the “Metal Gear Solid” video game series.
Cable #POKVXAZ46782 – French President Nicolas Sarkozy enlisted help from American RnB singer Julius Love to craft a touching ode to wife Carla Bruni’s bodacious badonk.
Cable #XMJSGBJ74226 – In March 2005, insane African warlord Mbuki Mbuko struck a deal with the Taliban to provide a massive shipment of arms, but the deal was called off when Taliban leaders realized Mbuko was referring to actual human arms.
Cable #TMEWXVR46588 – The actual secret history of the United States was depicted accurately in the “Crash Bandicoot” video game series.
Cable #NMCWSFX98209 – A top US diplomat scheduled a meeting with Nigerian President Goodluck Jonathan, only to cancel it upon learning that Goodluck Jonathan is not an awesome piano rock group.
Cable #HLCYASP15603 – Apparently, there’s a country called Mauritania.