The Flys – Got You (Where I Want You)
There have been exactly two definitive moments in Katie Holmes’ acting career:
1. Her role as a diabetic paper shredder in the 2008 film ‘Mad Money’, in which she co-starred alongside two of Hollywood’s most closeted lesbians, Diane Keaton and Queen Latifah.
2. Her cameo appearance in ‘Got You (Where I Want You)’, the first and last single by The Flys to ever chart on modern rock radio stations in the late 90s.
It was probably denoted in the fine print of the contact for Holmes’ first leading role on the big screen in the full-length feature film ‘Disturbing Behavior’ that she was obligated to participate in the making of a promotional music video for a cut off the soundtrack. However, instead of moonlighting in the more memorable one hit wonder off the OST, ‘Flagpole Sitta’ by Harvey Danger, she got shafted with the Flys – who, to me, sound like the adopted, Hawaiian offspring of 311 and Swirl 360.
Katie spends the duration of the video looking like a cross between spaced-out and sultry and she uses this apathetic sexual prowess to lure a pack of rabid teenagers (many decked out in letterman jackets) off a cliff as the video comes to a close as the band plays on, completely oblivious to the power and depth of their sound.
Like any proper music video created with a soundtrack in mind, film clips of ‘Disturbing Behavior’ are spliced in at inopportune times, creating a disjointed narrative that leaves the uninformed audience wondering what the movie is actually about, other than Katie Holmes shimmying on the back of a pick-up truck in a school parking lot, wearing a revealing crop top that, if I were her principal, have prompted me to send her straight to detention for violating dress code.
Fieldy’s Dreams – Are You Talking To Me?
As a faithful subscriber to the now defunct Circus magazine from 1999 – 2001, I became quite familiar with the founding members of KoRn through the 8 x 11 fold-out glossies, a Playboy spread for nu-metal enthusiasts. After the dust settled on ‘Follow The Leader’, KoRn struggled to maintain their staying power with subsequent albums which lead to a bizarre smattering of lifestyle changes and obscure side projects for the (mostly) quintet from Bakersfield, CA. Brian ‘Head’ Welch accepted Jesus as his Lord & Saviour, Jonathan Davis tried to keep nu-metal culturally relevant by collaborating with their contemporaries – bands like Orgy, Videodrone and Limp Bizkit – and Fieldy recorded ‘Rock and Roll Gangster’ under the moniker ‘Fieldy’s Dreams’, an album that truly came out of left field as a departure from his Headbangers Ball roots.
While Fieldy has sported ridiculous braids and/or cornrows for most of his professional life, his level of street cred is still not high enough to let this appropriation of hip hop culture slide. With lyrics like ‘marijuana sauna, hot box momma, sweet queen leaf smell the aroma, sweet as my momma, take away my drama‘ it’s no wonder this album failed to garner any critical acclaim and served as the impetus for Fieldy to rename his solo project the more aptly titled ‘Fieldy’s Nightmare’.
Hole – Be A Man
As I grew up with an Irish immigrant who asserted his authority as the Man of the House by raising his only daughter as a tomboy, I became acquainted with European football at a young age, but never its American counterpart. Despite my minor obsession with the fleeting MTV reality series ‘Two-a-Days’, I became more familiar with tailgating parties rather than any official NFL rules, and therefore, whenever I think of pigskin, I think of Courtney Love shrieking and rolling around in a puddle of mud(d).
‘Be A Man’ was Hole’s last official music video before their hiatus and reincarnation in 2010 and they certainly went out with a bang, producing a video to be released simultaneously with the 1999 cinematic gem ‘Any Given Sunday’. The song was penned by Billy Corgan (naturally) but unfortunately did not make the final cut for ‘Celebrity Skin’, an album that Billy admitted he could not stomach listening to and was quoted in a 1998 issue of Rolling Stone saying it ‘left a bad taste in his mouth’. The lesser members of Hole probably shared the same sentiment but had the foresight to know that a sopping wet Courtney Love grinding on top of actors in football uniforms was not a good look, and opted not to participate in this disgusting display.
Now that Hole have re-established themselves as the same, mediocre alt-rock band they once were, I’m hoping they will be asked to play next year’s Super Bowl half-time show.
