I spent last Monday night like I spend every Monday night, watching Two and a Half Men. As usual, this season’s finale was tragic, unsettling, and provided more questions than answers. After spending the last week dodging spoilers, here’s my shot at filling in the blanks and finding some meaning in the finale.
– I’m now fully convinced that the characters died directly after the episode where Jake learns to drive a car and Alan strikes up a romance with his instructor.
– One of the show’s recurring themes is that of warped masculinity, as driven home by its haunting theme song – “Men men men men, manly men men men”.
– Another hallmark of this show has been its dialogue exchanges, each one its own baffling riddle. An example:
Alan: …and maybe Saturday, a date.
Charlie: You’re calling those magazines dates now?
My interpretation: Charlie doesn’t actually believe that Alan is going to spend his Saturday jerking off to porno magazines; rather, he’s insinuating that Alan doesn’t go on a lot of dates.
– I know the creators have said that the decision of whether Two and a Half Men’s “sideways universe” actually exists or not was going to be left to the viewer. But, I have to know: did Charlie really say that he was “harder than a ventriloquist dummy” in front of Jake, or was that just part of Charlie’s ideal universe?
– Sheen’s gonna make two million an episode for this shit?
– I know there’s just too much going on in any given season to wrap up every loose end in the finale episode. But is it too much to ask for resolution to the “Charlie is an irascible skirt-chaser” plot? It just seems to be going on for an eternity.
– The main aspect that fans never question about this show is its name. The easy assumption is that the youngest actor, Angus T. Jones, is the titular “Half Man”. But after choking his wife on Christmas, Charlie Sheen has to be the half man, right? Kudos to the writers for bringing the intrigue into the real world.
– My favourite fantasy sequence in this episode was when Alan produces a revolver from a kitchen drawer, murders Charlie and Jake in cold blood, and turns the gun on himself. But why does the official episode guide say this never happened?
– Lastly, most fans have speculated that the events of the show take place in some kind of Purgatory. After this episode, in which Jake is made to masquerade as Charlie’s son, and later, inexplicably, as Alan’s grandmother, I put forth the theory that Two and a Half Men takes place in Hell.
Got your own theories about this noodle-scratcher of a finale? Shriek into the abyss!