GOOD: Girl, you must be tired ’cause you’ve been running through my mind all day!
BAD: I have an erection from thinking about you all day.
GOOD: I lost my teddy bear. Will you sleep with me?
BAD: I sleep with a stuffed animal.
GOOD: If I said you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
BAD: (menacingly) Hold your body against me.
GOOD: Are your pants from outer space? ‘Cause your butt is out of this world!
BAD: There are creatures from other planets that want us to mate.
GOOD: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
BAD: Are you hurt? I can take you to the hospital. Follow me to my van with the tinted windows.
GOOD: Are you a parking ticket? ‘Cause you’ve got FINE-FINE-FINE written all over you.
BAD: Someone wrote the word “FINE” all over your clothes. You should take them off, and swallow this pill.
GOOD: If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
BAD: If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put J and U together, because I just J’d off to U in a storage closet.
GOOD: I must be in heaven because I see an angel!
BAD: I’m having a drug hallucination where I think I’m in heaven. Swallow this pill.
GOOD: Do you have a map? Because I just keep getting lost in your eyes!
BAD: Here’s a map to my step-dad’s auto body repair shop. I laid down a rain-soaked mattress I found on the highway, meet me there in an hour.
GOOD: Something’s wrong with my cell phone. Your number’s not in it!
BAD: I’m the guy who did all that stuff at Penn State.