Last year we introduced Fun Time Dating, and brought you the profiles of the most eligible singles we had to offer. Alright, we could only find one. The talent pool was pretty damn shallow. But since then, our customer base has exploded, mostly due to changing Fun Time Dating’s layout to look exactly like OKCupid and buying up KOCupid.com to bring in the dyslexic crowd, and many a date has been had. To prove it, and hopefully get your $30.99 a month, we asked our users to send us their success stories, and here they are.
Sarah and Bill
SARAH: First of all, Bill looked nothing like his picture, so I felt deceived, especially since my profile specifically states that I won’t date anyone over 375 pounds. The restaurant was nice, but even though it was air-conditioned, Bill had to take his shirt off after five minutes, claiming that he “runs hot.” The manager kicked us out so we took a cab through the drive-thru at Wendy’s. Bill ordered two meals and I mistakenly thought one would be for me.
Hungry and disoriented, I agreed to a stroll by the lake, where he again removed his shirt. After only ten feet, he got winded and tumbled downhill into the water. I used that as my opening to leave, and he yelled after me that I could call him if I ever want weed. I guess that makes it a success?
Thomas and Cassidy
THOMAS: Cassidy suggested we meet outside out of the liquor store, which seemed like an odd request. The first thing I noticed about Cassidy was the dozens of Silly Bandz that lined her arms. Unfortunately, she seemed impatient from the get-go, and our topics of conversation included if I would buy her and her friends vodka, and when I would buy her and her friends vodka.
I’m a recovering alcoholic who just got his three-year chip so I politely declined, and that’s when three members of the high school varsity football team arrived to shove me into a dumpster and spirit her away. Since my last Fun Time date resulted in me waking up in a motel bathtub less a kidney, I’ll call it a success!
Krista and William and Shaye
KRISTA: I used Fun Time Dating’s “Blind Date” matchmaking app, and was paired up with someone I believed to be named William Shaye. My date turned out to be a pair of identical seven-foot behemoths named William and Shaye. I had already taken the train in so I figured I would give it a shot – twins are kinda sexy. Unfortunately William and Shaye were almost completely nonverbal and their hygiene left everything to be desired. They asked me if I “WANT GO BASK-BALL” and I was too scared to say no. I thought this would at least be the Knicks game, but it was a group of children playing H-O-R-S-E.
It didn’t take long for William and Shaye’s frenzied grunting to clear them off the court. After this, they had a physical fight over who would get to “CUDDLE GIRL”, and William and Shaye grappled into traffic where they were struck by a city bus. That’s a success.
So, yeah… alright! Join Fun Time Dating today and take advantage of our twenty second free trial. And remember our motto: if you’re beaten and left in a gully to die, you get two months free!
CEO, Fun Time Dating