On August 3rd at 10 PM, we present “The Goldman Identity”. When a hapless schlub is mistaken for a deadly international super-spy, he becomes public enemy number one and is pursued by every terrorist and anti-terrorist organization in the world. Can Theodore Goldman unravel the mystery of… THE GOLDMAN IDENTITY?

Starring hilarious Toronto comedians like Adam Christie, Tim Gilbert, John Hastings and Kat Letwin, and special guest… Eric Nagler! Yes, this Eric Nagler. And this Eric Nagler. Best of all, it’s free! Whoever said nothing is life is free must have had severe emotional problems. So join us this Wednesday! It’ll be the nutsiest.

Update: we won! Thanks to everybody who came out for the shows. Oprah Winfrey Network, here we come!

I’m proud to announce Fun Time Dating, an online matchmaking service. Web juggernauts The Onion and Gawker have introduced popular dating sub-sites, and we’ve realized the only way we’re going to beat them out is by aping them as closely as possible. And, of course, there’s money. Which we like.

Unlike some dating sites, you won’t be matched up with a psychopath who will butcher you like a hog. And if someone does murder you, we’ll murder them back. That’s the Fun Time Dating Promise™.

In the coming weeks, we’ll post profiles from some of the individuals who ponied up for our trial run in the hopes that it gets you hard enough to pay the mere $30.99-a-month fee. That’s the price of thirty morning coffees!

Thank you, stay tuned, and start making up what you did with yourself after high school,

Dave Hodgson
CEO, Fun Time Dating

One summer replacement TV show has entranced millions of viewers: it’s America’s Tallest Baby! And now that the original field of 14 babies has been winnowed to the final two, we present the exciting conclusion. Which baby has the drive, determination and height to win it all?

Directed by Justin T. Lee. Original music by Aaron Zorgel.

Our first investigative journalism series Street Meet asked the tough questions. And now with the help of TheScore.com, professional sports is about to get home runned.

Fun Time Internet and The Score are teaming up to tackle the wild and woolly world of sports with Sports Planet, a new online series that gets you close enough to smell the Icy Hot. Hardcore fans and casual observers alike are invited to join host Scott Stephenson as he gets balls deep in the world’s most popular distraction.

The first episode drops next week, so have a Like at our Facebook page and wait for the blood and hilarity to flow like water!

It’s kind of like that Willy Wonka guy’s Golden Ticket contest, but way better, mostly because “golden” isn’t even a color. The rules are simple: find this Yellow Ticket hidden somewhere in the depths of our website. It could be dropped into the body of a Lackluster Video review, or superimposed into another picture altogether. We’re crafty that way! It looks a little something like this:

When you spy it, email yellowticket@funtimeinternet.com with a link to where you found the ticket, and if you’re one of the first to do so, then you become a Finalist to win the Yellow Treasure! That’s a prize bounty so jam-packed with fun merch that we haven’t even decided what’s in it. Not only that, but the Grand Prize Winner will also gain a rare peek at the magical and magnificent Fun Time Fun Factory!

Go for it! Find that ticket. If you don’t, we’ll send out our own cadre of Oompa Loompas to hunt you down. They’re midget wrestlers that we forcibly showered with liquid tanner. They’re really sick.

Fine print: One entry per IP address or family. Relatives, main squeezes and pieces-on-the-side of Fun Time Internet employees are not eligible to enter, nor is anyone named Colin. I’ve never met a good Colin.

Read to the end of the article for info on our new contest!

Did somebody say hoot-a-toot? “Of course not”? Then we will. Hoot-a-toot! And what a toot to be hooted, as today – June 16th – is Fun Time Internet’s second birthday! We know, the terrible twos. And you thought having to watch Nazi Baby teethe was a chore.

Our computer overlord Puputer is an easy guy/computer to shop for. He always just wants RAM. Not because it increases his memory or anything, but because when you give it to him, he has license to scoff, “What, do you wanna RAM me or something?” and mug for laughs. He did this for twenty-five minutes last year.

This is the time of year when we check in on which tubes we’ve taken over. We successfully sunk our talons into such respectable websites as G4, The Onion AV Club and Canada’s National Post. And even more importantly, we outlasted other, unrespectable websites like Geocities and BrosIcingBros.com. A site that encourages minors to quickly consume alcohol in inappropriate situations – what went wrong there?

Year Two went by pretty quickly, so we want to revisit a few of the big events that you might have missed. Also, we’re suckers for us.

Babe Sheckler Talks to a Dutch Phisher – July 17, 2009

It’s rare to get one of these scammer cats on the phone. It’s even rarer to capture a conversation between two idiots who are both treating the other person like an idiot. Babe never got his 2,500,000 United States Dollars, and it turns out there is no such thing as an “online cyber lotto”.

Listen: Conversation with an Email Scammer (No Sleep Till The Netherlands)

We Get An Intern – October 23, 2009

It seems like just yesterday that we had to feed ourselves and take ourselves to the washroom. Since then, Mikey Kolberg has joined our staff as the Fun Time Intern, and the washroom (read: an empty cereal box) has come to us. After the rigorous interview process, Mikey released three Intern Video Vblogs that have been met with wide acclaim and entered into evidence in the lawsuit Mikey’s parents have filed against us for claiming Puputer is now his legal guardian.

Watch: Mikey the Fun Time Intern’s Fun Time Video Vblog

Fun Time Gives Back – Multiple Dates

We got a little gift happy. Why? Because we love you, ya big ox! It started with the pay-what-you-can release of our own operating system, Puputer Gray Wolf. Then there was the Facebook-exclusive E-Present. Then, like we haven’t already blown away Sister Teresa or whatever, we gave you some free Valentines and some passive-aggressive notes for the office kitchen. Someone give us something! Like an award for giving so much.

See: Jimmy Fallontines and Other Unlikely Valentines

The Blockbuster Toy Boyz Release Rollout – Multiple Dates

We could have just rushed the inaugural feature from Fun Time Studios into theatres everywhere, but no. A film like Toy Boyz deserves – nay, necessitates – a three-to-five year rollout plan so audiences can be adequately amped. First, a trailer was released. Later, the movie was screened for industry insiders at Sweden’s Nokia Mobile Phone Film Festival. Then for some international film snob cred, it was presented alongside other highly-anticipated flicks at the Toronto International Film Festival. Sadly, the Toy Boyz are still seeking distribution. Or NOS. Whichever.

Read: The Toy Boyz Red Carpet Review

Lackluster Video Continues To Rock The Shit – Multiple Dates

Since our first year of existence, Bo Swidersky has been watching terrible movies so you don’t have to, and because he kind of wants to. But in Year Two, Bo really started to give ‘er stank, devoting over 12,000 total words to dogs like Theodore Rex, Transmorphers and Terror at Blood Fart Lake. And with the literal and figurative dog Marmaduke “doing its business” in theatres right now, I suspect Bo’s gonna need another keyboard.

Read: Lackluster Video Archive

College Talk Show Appearance Spirals Out of Control – April 20, 2010

Usually, one only returns to their alma mater to return that copy of Slaughterhouse Five to the library so they can get their goddamn degree. But for us, it was to put on diapers and spill relish everywhere. Yeah, “Friday Night Live” didn’t cotton to it, and deleted their footage so no one could accidentally enjoy their show. But we brought our own camera, so it’s all gravy. Check out this compilation we made for College Humor!

See: Fun Time Internet Does Friday Night Live

We Make An Enemy of God – May 11, 2010

Just a month ago, our pal Bobert Roberts took umbrage with the side effects of one Prophet Woody Martin’s “Blood of Jesus Oil” and gave him a call about it. We took the pleasure of animating it and loosing it on the Web. We just got an email from Woody directed at Bobert, calling him a liar. It is important to note that he continues to interact with a FICTIONAL CHARACTER. And we’re not talking about Jesus either.

Watch: Preaching to the Liar

Thanks to all the folks who stop by, watch our things and spread positive feelings. You’re the nicest heroes of all. So to celebrate our B-Day and reward your monk-like patience, we’ll be unveiling the biggest contest to date on Sunday at midnight. Or is it… Monday at midnight. At the very end of Sunday and the very beginning of Monday. And if you come here right then, you’ll get the jump on all the other heroes!

We’ll see you then, and here’s to exactly two more years!

We’re in a vote-off on the comedy website run by the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, which is a network funded entirely by the taxpayers. We’ll win some money, and we’ve decided that a chunk of the dough will go towards buying a Perfect Strangers-themed ice cream cake that we’ll post photos of for your hopeful amusement. So if you go here and vote for our video, you’re not only helping us, but also making a mockery of Canada’s public broadcasting system. Everyone wins!

You can vote an unlimited amount of times – just leave the site and come back – so hammer in fifteen or twenty and help out your old pals from the internet. We’d really appreciate it, and we promise to send you a slice of Balki’s head.

Click Here to Vote

Luckily, we’ve repaired the damage, but for the purposes of posterity, here’s that website: CuddleFinder.

What a ride! He’s made you laugh and he’s made you titter nervously, but all good things must end. In this special viddie, Geoff Webster bids farewell to the Fun Time faithful, as he’s taking his leave to do something he’s always wanted to do. Happy trails and hoot-a-toot, old friend. We’ll see you on the other side.