The Coming Home Con opening titles, sung by sitcom theme virtuoso Huey Donovan

Elle Billiad, Co-Creator/Earl’s Wife
Earl had just gotten out of the joint for tax evasion. My thought was “take it easy, ride the Homo Dentist royalties”. We had just sold that one to syndication. But before he even had the orange jumpsuit off, he was all, “I got our next one.”

Mitch Feldman, NBS Executive
We’ve always been in the Earl Billiad business. He’s a sitcom prophet. We’d bought every idea he’d had since the first series, his show about the Irish au pere. But this time I said, “Earl, let’s go to pilot, and then show us that”. Looking back, it was lucky I did. Good Christ.

Julie Hickenbottom, Casting Director
I was supposed to find Earl his leads after the pilot was greenlit. All he told me was that the show was called Coming Home Con, and it was about the prison inside ourselves. What am I supposed to do with that? So I just went to the acting college.

Bret Smith, Producer
I found out Earl lied about having investors and that the production was broke. From day one, we were strapped for cash, and every cent of it shows.

Julie Hickenbottom, Casting Director
No actor from the school would work with us because the cast of O’Pere wasn’t paid. But we already had the gymnasium booked, so we just auditioned a bunch of engineering students who were hanging around. When you think about it, it’s actually amazing that the ones we picked were the best of the bunch.

Alan Blake, Actor (“Randall”)
I didn’t have any formal acting experience. But I had been a telemarketer for ten days, which I think put me over the top.

Bret Smith, Producer
Earl’s checks were bouncing higher than the lighting grid. Once we had the NBS guys out for lunch at an expensive restaurant. The waiter came back with Earl’s card, saying not only was it maxed out, but it was also a Home Depot gift card. Earl bolted when his back was turned, and Mitch Feldman had to pick up the check.

Elle Billiad, Co-Creator/Earl’s Wife
Yes, Earl was having cash flow problems. That’s why he decided he should direct too. But also because he didn’t want anyone to compromise his “vision”.

Jules Martin, Assistant Director
He was always talking about his vision. Apparently his vision involved lots of out-of-focus shots, and not picking up dropped lines. And whenever I made any suggestions , he said he had it covered. Whatever, I got paid.

Aramis A. Martinez, Art Department
I never got paid. And when I finally stood up to Earl about it, he accidentally crapped himself. At least, you’d hope it was accidental. After that I didn’t care if I got paid, I just wanted to go home.

Bret Smith, Producer
The set was a problem. “Problem” in that it looked like a fun house. Who lives in a house with bright-blue and bright-yellow walls?

Pete Ridding, Associate Producer
I made a joke to Earl about the set director being colorblind, and it turned out he actually was. Earl said by employing him he was just “doing his part”. What does that even mean?

Bret Smith, Producer
We had to cheap out on everything. Some of the caterers got lured into camerawork, and the actors were given jobs when they didn’t have a scene. I saw Alan Blake crying one day, and when I asked him what was wrong, he said Earl cussed him out for not knowing how to use a playback machine.

Janice Bell, Floor Director
The poor actors – well, they weren’t actors, but poor them. They weren’t ready for the stress of it all. The kid who played Floyd had a grand mal seizure during a take, and Earl got mad when everyone broke character to help him. He didn’t even stop tape!

Bret Smith, Producer
Earl wanted to use it. We had to fight him until 4 AM on the last night to edit it out. His argument was that it was the funniest thing we’d shot yet. He was right, but it was still tasteless.

Elle Billiad, Co-Creator/Earl’s Wife
Oh, the “seizure”. Do you know how easy it is to fake one of those?

Bret Smith, Producer
Coming Home Con was an unmitigated failure. And this is an industry with a lot of mitigated failures.

Elle Billiad, Co-Creator/Earl’s Wife
The only thing we did right was going to Huey Donovan for the theme. He’s the Greek chorus of the sitcom. No one lays it all out with that brassy bombast like Huey. And he came up with something so special.

Pete Ridding, Associate Producer
I heard a rumor that Huey Donovan is actually Earl.

Mitch Feldman, NBS Executive
I didn’t think (Huey Donovan) should’ve dropped the F-bomb in the theme. That’s just my taste.

Bret Smith, Producer
We screened it for NBS and they passed before the first commercial break. From there, we went down the ladder. Even public access said it was below their standards. We finally sold the pilot master and the rights to the series for about three hundred dollars to some big Billiad fan.

Brad Weaver, Webmaster, DadsAButler.net
I bought it so I could leak it onto YouTube and share Earl’s genius with the world. Come on, the mom’s a blimp pilot! You want my take? Coming Home Con wasn’t cookie-cutter enough for the United Walmarts of McDonald’serica.

Elle Billiad, Co-Creator/Earl’s Wife
Earl left the country after that. And no, he didn’t even tell me where he was going. I thought it was because he’s still the mysterious man I married all those years ago. But then he said it was so if the creditors came after him, they could beat me up all they wanted and not find out where he was.

Bret Smith, Producer
Earl owes me one hundred thousand dollars.

Mitch Feldman, NBS Executive
Where do I think Earl Billiad is? … I like to think he’s off somewhere doing a crazy job, like he’s the first male Nun, or the straight bartender at a gay bar. And then I think he’s gonna come back and write a sitcom about it.