Lackluster Video’s Humbug Holiday Viewing: Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie’s Island Adventure (2003)
Eddie’s Uncle Nick (a dehydrated Ed Asner) spends all his screen time trying to grope the buxom tour guide, Muka Luka Miki (nude model Sung-Hi Lee). At first it’s mildly amusing. By the end it’s borderline rape-y. And when Eddie’s brainiac son, Third (as in Clark W. Griswold III Johnson, named after Chevy Chase’s Clark W. Griswold II) inexplicably turns pervy, we’re treated to one of this flick’s most embarrassingly awkward scenes.
This movie’s got something for everyone – from the chronically masturbating awkward teen to the chronically masturbating dirty old uncle.
And then there’s that pointless “plumbing gone awry” scene. After losing his job at the lab, Eddie decides to take a bath to relax. But then all the fixtures snap off and – gosh durn it – Audrey’s whole dang house is flooded!
A lesser critic would quip that this movie is “all wet”.
This sequence is sloppily staged, goes on for what feels like forever, and has no bearing on the plot whatsoever. If the pipes leak that much, why not just shut off the water to the house? When the Johnson family leaves to go on vacation, the plumbing acts up again, spouting water out the windows. While they’re trapped on the desert island, there are multiple cutaways back to the flooding house. Yet there’s no scene of the family returning home to find the place waterlogged. There’s no payoff to this gag. Why is it there at all? To extend the movie’s runtime? Home Alone 4, another TV movie sequel to a John Hughes holiday film, also featured an unbearably bad flooded bathroom scene. Was it a contractual obligation to include such a sequence?
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie’s Island Adventure isn’t the worst piece of shit I’ve ever seen. But it’s still a piece of shit. It’s a waste of time, but not a torturous waste of time. Maybe it’s because it’s Christmas time, or maybe its because I watched this movie immediately after enduring the jingle hell that is Home Alone 4, or maybe it’s because of that all that spiked eggnog I chugged in reaction to watching Home Alone 4, but I was honestly surprised that I didn’t completely despise this movie. If you have dumb-dumbs in your family who unironically enjoy dreck like “Two and a Half Men” and “Big Bang Theory”, they’ll appreciate this broad, unchallenging “comedy.”
I’m reminded of what the late Christopher Hitchens said in his criticism of the late Bob Hope: “This is comedy for people who have no sense of humor and who [are] determined to be entertained and laugh to show that they ‘get it.'”
1 ½ Quaid Taints out of 5
Randy Quaid shouldn’t go into hiding because of the “Star Whackers”. He should go into hiding out of shame for making this cinematic shit stain.
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